you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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