You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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