only you would photoshop your dick
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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