I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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