i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
