Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
