Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
