i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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