That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
