how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
