I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
