I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
