yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
