Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
