We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
