I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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