I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I understand Curling. That high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
