Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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