I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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