Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
