My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Houston, we have a squirter
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
