Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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