im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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