just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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