please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
