he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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