Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
