If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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