So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
