girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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