I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just google imaged poop.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize