I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
