I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
