the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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