Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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