Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
