Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
