I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
