I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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