I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
