2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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