Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize