went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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