I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
