i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
