Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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