you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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