Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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