I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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