At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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