Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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