I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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