so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
