I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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