I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I could make wine with my vomit
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
