Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
