Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize