The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
