You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
