Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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