I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
