normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize