Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
