i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
