dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
