I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
