I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
