My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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