You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
