tell your sister to shave her snatch
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
