Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
