and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize