john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
