I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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