We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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