I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
