dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
