"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize