theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
