the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize