Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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