Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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