I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
