I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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