I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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