HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
