My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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