You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
