watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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