So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
