i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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