Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
