So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
