i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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