moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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