there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
